I’m sitting here at eating overly salted popcorn and SweetTarts for dinner at 10 p.m, knowing that today, I failed as a Creative Entrepreneur. My anxiety is sky high. My To-Do lists are miles long. My tax preparations are the biggest mess my accountant has probably ever seen, because honestly, I have no idea what I’m doing. My house is an absolute tornado because I’ve been so tied up with the preparations for the upcoming wedding season. All of this, and the thing that’s weighing the heaviest on my mind- I missed a client meeting today, and it was entirely my own, irresponsible fault.
I received the email from the prospective client and all of a sudden it felt like an anvil was dropped into my gut. My three calendars and tightly-wad schedule had failed me. In that moment, the thought of throwing in the towel and living a life stress-free, cubicle 9-5 life crossed my mind as the concerns and self doubt raced through. What if this happens again? What if I double book myself for a wedding day? What if a future client can’t trust me? What if?
Being a Creative Entrepreneur is really, really hard. Other people making a living out of creating will know what I’m talking about. It’s an emotional rollercoaster of self doubt, hating your job, loving your job, making mistakes, and having those “wow” moments that leave you craving for more.
*You can go from having two weddings booked for the upcoming year after prime booking season has already passed to the elation of booking the absolutely perfect client.
*You can go from sitting there, comparing yourself to other artists, photographers, and creators who are doing “better” than you to experiencing the adrenaline rush after photographing the best wedding your portfolio has ever seen.
*You constantly have to defend your company and your work when people undervalue the time, sweat, and tears that go into the end result.
*You’re constantly crunching numbers and realizing that being a Creative Entrepreneur isn’t a sustainable income yet and you have to keep that second or third job.
*Your constantly being bombarded with your own mind telling you that it’s not worth it, your not good enough, and that taking the “corporate way” is easier. Just quit.
*You’re constantly bottling up all of these emotions and putting on a good face for friends, family, and other creatives. Because business hardships and challenges automatically revert to failure in people’s minds. And you don’t want to fail. You want to be successful. Admired. Make it look easy.
But as I sit here, as a failing Creative Entrepreneur, I realize that failure is a blessing. Failure means I’m learning. Today, my failure taught me to set reminders 30 minutes before future client appointments. I’ll implement a fourth calendar backup, because 3 calendars aren’t doing the job, obviously. A messy kitchen means that I’m busy with my growing business. Popcorn for dinner means that I have a husband who supports my business enough that he doesn’t expect a hot meal and understands that my nights are filled with editing and emails.
This too shall pass. My wound of being completely irresponsible professional will eventually heal. And I’ll learn from the mistake. And if you’re a Creative Entrepreneur reading this, I know that whatever you’re dealing with will pass to. Let’s hustle. Have hope. Count blessings. Dream. Tell the love stories. And most importantly, CREATE. xx, M.
Midwest based wedding photographers servicing Chicago, Fort Wayne, Indianapolis and beyond.
I love this! The stress is all too real, and sometimes that one thing can make you snap. But you just have to breathe, count to 10, and keep going. If you can count to 10, you can do anything. Once those 10 seconds are done, start another 10. Sooner or later, you’ll be at the finish line without even realizing it!
I love this! xoxo
So incredibly spot on! Some days I wanna call it quits, some days I love what I do. I try to remind myself that I have a lot more happier days now than I ever did working the 9-5. So let’s continue to hustle, we’ve got this!
Thank you! We TOTALLY got this!
Thank you for sharing! I totally get it. I’m a wedding photographer and I get it. I was reading your post and just thought "I’ve felt that way. I feel that way now." Yesterday I was completely overwhelmed. I kept thinking about everything I have to do and I have doubt that I’m not getting bookings and I advertise in a few different places… but… I know I love what I do and I don’t want to be in an office, I don’t want to be in a 8-5, Monday-Friday deal again. If we are passionate about being creative then we can do it! I think the hustle is worth it. BTW the photo you posted is beautiful! 🙂
I had the same issue with bookings a few months ago, and then all of a sudden I started getting an overwhelming amount, which in turn made me disorganized and miss this client meeting. There’s a struggle no matter what, but at the end of the day its TOTALLY worth it! And thank you so much! We’re all in this together 😉
Yessss, this is totally how I feel today. Thanks a ton for sharing and this thoughtful post!
You’re so welcome!
Love this! I’m a florist with a new shop and I feel this way all the time. But I love what I do and refuse to give up. Thank you, I really needed to read this
Aw you’re so welcome! I knew I couldn’t be the only one feeling this way! Glad I could help 🙂
Wow this really hit home with me. I mentor over at a local college and I find myself wanting to tell the students to run in the other direction unless you have serious balls. Being a creative entrepreneur is one rollercoaster of a ride. And I have never been so down as I have felt now. It was really great reading this. Thanks! Gives me some hope and perspective 🙂 that popcorn does taste good.
Oh my goodness, no kidding! Balls are definitely a necessity being in this business 🙂 We’re all in this together!
Thanks for sharing!!! It never ends. I’ve been in business full-time for 6 years. I started to get really nervous as all of a sudden I saw a huge drop in inquiries. Nearly a month went by. Finally I realized something had happened and all of my inquiries had been going to spam. My heart sank. Almost a month of lost income and new bookings!! Problem solved but still…how could I have missed that?? It’s always something. It will always be something. We have the blessing of not having anyone tell us when, how and what to do and the curse of it 🙂 all my love fellow creative!!
Oh my gosh, I needed this! I have a small side cake business that I really shouldn’t consider "small" anymore. It consumes 90% of my evenings and weekends. Pretzels and cheese sticks are a common dinner for me as I’m up until 1am making sure every small detail (that no one else will even notice) is perfect. I’m glad I’m not alone with hating what I do one minute, then absolutely loving it when I see a clients reaction to my work. Thank you!!!
Wow. Absolutely needed this today!
Love this I absolutely needed this. Sometimes I wonder if I’m thinking crazy, but I am glad to see this is normal. Thank you <3
Perfect in every way! Thank you for being honest and sharing! Needed it!
Your encouragement was perfectly timed…I can’t tell you what a blessing it is knowing that I’m not the only creative who struggles with these things. Your honesty was a blessing to my heart today. Thank you!